


Remember When

by witch_lit



Series: The Misery of Alec Lightwood [19]
Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 22:45:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6396994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witch_lit/pseuds/witch_lit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec gets an uncomfortable blast from the past and Magnus doesn’t know what’s going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember When

**Author's Note:**

> I was really upset over nothing today so I wrote what might actually a coherent story (hope you like it!)

             When Magnus got home that night, Alec was acting strange. His fiancé was, for one, letting a fashion show play across the television. Even worse, his glassy gaze was fixed on the tv, vacantly watching the designers bicker. Magnus knew from the way Alec was holding his phone, his fingers white and bloodless, that it wasn’t the good kind of vacant staring.

            Magnus hung up his coat and sat next to Alec on the couch in their apartment. Alec jerked to life when Magnus’s weight bounced him a little from the neighboring cushion, his face momentarily looking panicked before his eyes caught on Magnus.

            “You’re home,” Alec said. “I was starting to think I’d have to walk into Cosmopolitan and drag you out by the collar.”

            “Magazine life is harsh,” Magnus chuckled. “But worth it. How was your day?”

            Alec’s rim rod posture relaxed. “It was okay, I guess. One of my students threw up during her exam.”

            “That’s what you get for teaching chemistry,” Magnus teased.

            “I think I teach it comprehensibly enough that the tests shouldn’t be that nerve-wracking,” Alec frowned. “It’s just freshman chemistry.”

            Magnus rolled his eyes. “Freshman chemistry is the science requirement that makes people switch into liberal education.”

            “But I blow things up for them every week,” Alec said, with exasperation that didn’t quite fill his face.

            “Yeah, I don’t think that explains how atoms form and spontaneously combust as well as you want it to.”

            Alec didn’t even rise to Magnus’s blatantly wrong chemistry assertion, instead pursing his lips. “I’m going out with Izzy to meet someone tonight.”

            “Did something happen to her?” Magnus asked softly.

            Alec twists his head to look at Magnus, his eyebrows drawn in surprise. “No. Why? Should something have happened?”

            “No,” Magnus said. “You just seemed upset when I got home.”

            “It’s nothing,” Alec said, and then frowned. “Well. It’s not nothing. I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

            Magnus hesitated before nodding. “So, are you getting dinner with them or me?”

            “With you,” Alec said. “I was making pasta when he called, it’s probably overdone now, though. I can order takeout?”

            “Hop Wong?” Magnus asked, neatly avoiding the hooks in Alec’s speech.

            Alec gave him a small smile. It wasn’t the thousand-watt one Magnus was used to, but it’d have to do. “Number 51?”

            “You know me so well,” Magnus said, reclining on the couch as Alec got up to dispose of whatever mess he’d made in the kitchen.

OOOO

            When Alec got home that night, he was wasted. Never mind that it was a Tuesday night, when Alec stumbled into the apartment it was with Isabelle under his arm holding him up. His head was lolled, and he wasn’t happy drunk or horny drunk or any of the drunks Magnus usually associated with him. He was a quiet, falling apart drunk, nothing more than a sad vegetable.

            “What happened?” Magnus asked as he and Isabelle laid Alec out on the sofa. Isabelle produced a garbage can as Magnus turned Alec on his side.

            “Stephen apologized,” Isabelle said, as if it explained everything.

            “Who’s Stephen?” Magnus asked, and Isabelle froze.

            “He hasn’t told you?” Isabelle asked.

            “He said we’d talk about whatever was going on later,” Magnus said.

            “No, Magnus. You two have been together for five years and he’s _never_ told you about Stephen?”

            Magnus wracked his brain. “Maybe? If it was that one student who set his lab coat on fire, then yes, he told me about that at length.”

            “That was Simon,” Isabelle said, her mouth set in a stern frown. “I’m going to kill him, I swear to god. Just. Make sure he talks to you, okay? He’s going to be upset tomorrow.”

            Magnus let her go, too confused to say anything. Alec was usually honest about himself, sometimes brutally so, and it didn’t really make sense that he’d be keeping a secret like this. He’d always told Magnus about the hard things: about Max and his parents occasionally kicking him out. What would he be keeping, when he was usually so insistent on knowing the truth?

            Magnus sighed and went back to bed.

OOOO

            The next day, Magnus texted Alec to tell him that he’d be home from work early. He’d cut out of a late meeting, more interested in getting home around the same time as his fiancé. Alec had been off to teach his 8:15 class before Magnus had woken up, and he wanted to check in. Alec’s note, reading ‘I’m sorry, I’m fine’, hadn’t really cut it.

            Despite his best efforts, Magnus didn’t make it home until an hour after Alec. His work schedule wasn’t easily trifled with; he was a busy man. He found Alec on the floor, his back propped up on the couch as he leaned over the coffee table to grade the previous day’s exams. He fiddled with the red pen as he worked, giving feedback on the show-your-work problems.

            “Honey,” Magnus called once he had his shoes off. “I’m home.”

            Alec leaned back, tilting his head to meet Magnus’s eyes. “I told you not to call me that.”

            “And I told you that it was going to be a permanent part of our relationship,” Magnus said breezily.

            Alec sighed and stood up, dropping the pen on the table. “I’m going to make some coffee.”

            Alec left for the kitchen, and Magnus let him. He trailed behind, their small apartment making it a short trek. Alec busied himself with the task, and Magnus waited. Alec seemed to think this was the type of conversation they should have with things in their hands to distract them, and Magnus had no idea what kind of conversation it was going to be.

            An age seemed to pass between them before Alec handed him a mug of coffee. He accepted the cup with a nod of thanks. Alec sat down at the small island at the kitchen and waited for Magnus to follow.

            “Isabelle said you needed to tell me something,” Magnus said quietly.

            Alec nodded quickly, but his lips didn’t move for quite some time. “I told you my parents used to kick me out of the house from time to time,” he said.

            Magnus nodded. He was aware of the Lightwood’s less than stellar tolerance of their son, and their intolerance toward Magnus. He didn’t expect to see them at the wedding in Spring.

            “So I’d have to find somewhere to live while I waited for them to let me back, right?” Alec said, and his eyes were already stuck on his coffee. Magnus had a feeling Alec wasn’t going to look at him of his own free will for the duration of the conversation “And a couple times I stayed with this guy, Stephen.”

            Magnus’s gut turned to ice, because he hoped he was wrong, but he could already feel the direction the story was going. “Alec,” he said.

            Alec’s eyes flickered up, but his shoulders curled and he looked back down. “I… We were kind of a thing? I don’t know. But I was staying at his place, and I never had the luxury to say no. I mean, once, but… It didn’t matter.”

            Alec took a raggedy breath, and Magnus reached out to touch the top of Alec’s hand. Alec swallowed, biting at a frown.

            “And Stephen’s in NA, and it’s important to try and make reparations for what he’s done, especially while high. He was high a lot,” Alec explained. “So he came and he said sorry to me and I told him it was okay but it wan’t.”

            “I’m so sorry,” Magnus breathed.

            “That’s why it there wasn’t really anyone before you,” Alec said. “It’s why it took so long for me to let you touch me. It wasn’t because I was a virgin,” Alec said tightly. “And you stopped whenever I asked you to. I didn’t tell you because you always made sure I wanted it before, and it was never worth brining up when I know you would never force me.”

            “You should have told me,” Magnus said, a soft accusation.

            “Only Isabelle knew,” Alec said. “And I… I just didn’t want you to think poorly of me.”

            Magnus stands up and crosses the island to Alec, pulling him into his embrace. “I would never.”

            They stayed in that position for a while, and while Alec wasn’t exactly trembling or crying, Magnus could tell he needed this support. He needed Magnus’s acceptance, after letting out such a jagged piece of himself.

            “I’m going to kill your parents,” Magnus said.

            Alec let out a quiet chuckle. “Trust me, Isabelle hasn’t gone easy on them. I just want to move on.”

            Magnus pulled out of Alec’s embrace enough to press his lips to Alec’s forehead. “Whatever you want.”


End file.
